last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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