Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
