remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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