Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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