We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My dick has a subreddit
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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