I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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