just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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