Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
