mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
