Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My feet surprised me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
