yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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