I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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