This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
