Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
