I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
