i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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