ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You're like the curious george of whores
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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