Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
