apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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