You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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