singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
