I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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