Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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