I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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