what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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