There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
