whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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