So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
