So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
These tits shall not be calmed
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
