I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
