It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
