if you like me you must not know who I am
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
