Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
