Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
