I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
