Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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