I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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