I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
