i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
