Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
