a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
my poor anus
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster