i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now