is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine