I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?