I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that