The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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