DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize