dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
