I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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