listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
