I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
