i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
