You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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