I cannot find my penis.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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