My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Ketchup is God's man juice
Did I show you my penis last night?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
