Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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