It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
