i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
