if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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