my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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