Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
