I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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