i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
