there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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