I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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