we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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