dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
